Warning: this post contains an excessive amount of very bad humour
Call me a bitter old woman all you like but I just don't have time for Valentine's day. I'm not going to preach to you about how it's all over-commercialised drivel, pumped into us by evil corporations, because who cares if that's true or not? The thing with 14 February that I have an issue with is that isn't even a holiday. I mean, come on, we have to buy presents and don't even get a day off.
Anyway, none of that for me this year, I am a very defiant single lady at the moment. But a single girl does have certain expectations she must live up to. As we all know, us singletons are in a terrible position, doomed to watch rom-com reruns with our 60 cats while gorging on our tenth bag of cheesy Doritos and then crawling off to bed to cry ourselves to sleep - or so some factions of the media would lead us to believe. Obviously this is ridiculous. So this year, ladies I've put together a little guide to the things you probably should avoid this Valentine's - unless you really do want to be Bridget Jones.
2. Nobody to hold your hand? Never fear, the hug-a-mug (£8.49, iwantoneofthose.com) is here!
3. Super cute but super creepy if you're hugging it while watching very bad romantic movies over and over again (Pugs 'n' Kisses cushion, £16.99, ebay)
4. Better watch those calories with chocolate made just for ladies. Because only skinny girls get boys, right?
5. Ryan Gosling colouring book (£6.00, Amazon) - need I say more?