Thursday, 5 July 2012

Trends to regret?

I apologise for posting this image...*shudder*
Remember about five years ago when we had that whole mini 80s revival thing? Remember the neon, the ra-ra dresses and the hideous footless tights? Anything referencing that decade should have been locked away in the style vaults the first time around, not brought back for a naughties revival.

Flicking through Vogue today got me thinking: there's so much 'out there' fashion at the moment that we are bound to regret some of it a few years down the line. Now I'm not talking Snooki-style here (although scouse brows, going out in curlers and wearing fake tan thicker than your own skin are top of my fashion crimes list), there are genuine trends out there that I am 100% sure we are going to shudder at soon enough - or at least I will anyway.

Prada flatforms
1. Flatforms
Want extra height while rocking a stumpy leg look? Then just wear flatforms. These Spice Girl referencing horrors would be the first thing in my Room 101. Seriously ladies, just choose either flats or wedges. Unless you're a serious fashion follower, these look out of place, clumpy and just wrong on your local high street.

2. Bodies
Now if you're super toned, with a photoshopped figure, by all means go ahead and wear a cotton swimsuit with your jeans. If you've got an ounce of pudge on your body however, please, for the sake of your fellow human beings, don't. Just don't.

Follow me for print success!
3. Bralets
See above.

4. Clashing print
Yes, those girls in the magazines do it well but let's be honest with ourselves here: unless you can get catwalk level prints (even if they are at budget prices), this is a trend to tread carefully around. Too many florals and you could end up looking more Mary Poppins's carpet bag than Mary Katrantzou. Tone it down for subtle success with this tricky trend.

5. Saggy leggings
Less of a trend, more a phenomenon in this case. It looks like this faithful garment will be sticking around on the high street for another few seasons yet. But with every good staple comes a bad trend; here it's of the over-washed, bum stretched kind.

Just ask yourself: WWVBD? Would Victoria Beckham be seen in baggy kneed leg sacks? Would she wear glitzy poppers on her ankles? Would she put leggings in her wardrobe at all? No, no and I think that was always more Scary's get up.

6. Slogans referencing bad TV
I was in Topshop the other day and found myself looking at a bracelet saying 'bang tidy'. What does this mean, I found myself thinking. Then I realised I was acting like a 45 year old mum who had wandered into Claire's Accessories by accident. Ergh.

My age issues aside (although while we're on the matter when did 12 year olds start being able to afford the latest Topshop? I barely can myself!), slogans are never a brilliant idea to begin with. Your 30 year old self will look back on it and cringe. Trust me.

Now, let's be clear, I'm not talking iconic 'Frankie says relax' prints, more Henry Holland's visually offensive sayings about being so excited about the jubilee you could wee. Call me an old lady but I just don't think the Queen would approve.

*Insert fake tan joke here*
7. Miscellaneous beauty things
Webbed nails, extremely short fringes (why, oh why, oh why?) massive side fringes, raccoon hair, encasing yourself in fake tan, over straightened hair (set to become as notorious as the perm) and one I am guilty of: 10 week long roots on very blonde hair.

8. Very high waist knicker shorts
If you want to go out Bridget Jones style in big pants, just go out in big pants. The denim isn't fooling anyone.

9. Skin tight jumpsuits
Another one that may look great on celebs with personal trainers but going down the chippy in a leopard print wonder may not get you the attention you're after. Unless you really did want people to start calling you cat woman and start giving you extra cod for your dinner.

So what do you think? Am I right or completely off the mark? Are there any other trends we'll regret?

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